No Cure For Stupid


They say that “ignorance is stupid, crazy can be medicated, but that there’s no cure for stupid” and I have to say, I wholeheartedly agree.
I have a friend who will soon be in the throes of divorce. She was aware things weren’t “right” in her marriage for months and for months she tried to convince her husband that they needed to talk, that they needed to work at it, with or without outside help. Nothing convinced him, all pleading was refused and the mere mention of the words “marriage counselling” simply made him even more angry than he already was. You see, as much as everyone now vouches for the fact that it takes two to break up a marriage, that it’s never only one party’s fault etc etc, the opposite also applies: it takes two to fix a marriage! If your spouse is not going to cooperate you can’t fix it on your own. And, try as she might she got nowhere… Fast.
Months of this and then suspicions with regard to a younger (childless) female work colleague arose. Her husband denied anything was going on. For months. And then he got caught…
…and bizarrely, to begin with, he continued to deny…
…his answers to questions kind of depended on what side of the bed he got out, assuming you got any answers at all.
Now, this isn’t a story we’ve not heard before; in fact, many of us, myself included, have been there. Unfortunately, it’s all too common. But this one breaks my heart for various reasons. Obviously, it breaks my heart because she’s one of my best friends and no one wants to see their friend hurting. Obviously, it breaks my heart because there are three small children involved, one being only 1 year old. However, the reason it really breaks my heart, is that they are still in love. If you had all the details you’d literally just want to TOM & JERRY style bash him over the head with a frying pan to bring him back to reality (and slightly concuss him so that you can…) lock both of them in a room together until they TALK goddammit and SORT IT OUT!!! Anyone seen “Failure To Launch” with Matthew McConaughey? I feel like they need to have that ending scene done to them. I can’t do it: I’m more than a thousand miles away but oooooo if I weren’t I’d have done it already. I’m not saying it would work but at least they would have tried. “Stupid is as stupid does” and you do NOT throw away a 20 yr + relationship (9/10 of which are marriage) with three children under 7 and a beautiful wife without trying to salvage it. You don’t.
Because you just don’t! When there are little hearts involved you just DON’T! You try your hardest. If you don’t want to bother, you do it for them. Because you owe them that. Trust me! They’ll appreciate it more than any pair of UGG boots or MONCLER jacket. You owe your children the ability to say “my mum and dad tried”. You owe your wife answers (lots of them) and explanations, and more importantly AN APOLOGY.
But i’m guessing that’s not you. Maybe you find it easier to stick your head in the sand and let time pass because, as they say, time heals all wounds. But you know what? Some wounds fester. Be careful.

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About Miss Fanny P

Mother to two boys (a 5 and a half year old and a 3 year old), living the expat life in Italy, a stone's throw away from the lakes and the mountains.
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13 Responses to No Cure For Stupid

  1. Rose says:

    Some wounds do fester. As a child of divorced parents, although I am over the emotion of it all, it is a constant source of annoyance and frustration that we will never, ever, and I mean EVER celebrate birthdays/christmas/holidays all together because the parents have new partners, with baggage and their own families… When you divorce, you divide your own family for every generation you live to see.

  2. Miss Fanny P says:

    No. This is it. The mum knows this. Child if divorced parents. The dad is just oblivious to everything and has no idea what damage he’s causing, not least to himself. :-( because like I say, he does still live her. There are so many reasons why this happened. Indifference is not one of them

  3. lorio15 says:

    Agree, both must be willing to try. I am currently trying. Again. And if it weren’t for the kids I don’t know that I would. Keeping positive thoughts for your friend and her children.

  4. Ranting Crow says:

    Amen. I totally agree.I would have dragged him by a ear as well. to at least try.. or explain why.

  5. Meg C. DeBoe says:

    He’s got to think: where does he see himself in 10 years? Where does he see his family in 10 years? How does he see this all panning out? Think ahead, buddy!

  6. Miss Fanny P says:

    This should go viral so he gets to hear everyone’s opinions. Then maybe…

  7. larva225 says:

    I’m with Lori. I’m trying, boy, am I trying. In the meantime, I’m doing my damnedest to protect my kids. It’s sad and exhausting.

  8. Miss Fanny P says:

    But that’s just it. That’s ALL I’m saying. It’s about TRYING. if you TRIED and it didn’t work then you know. But if you never tried? …

  9. :( Praying for your friend.

  10. myrin says:

    Trying is a risk. And in this case the trying requires to face a few ghosts within oneself (besides the relentless angry wife). Probably better to face your real live kids in a few years timeā€¦ and be avoided by the wife…

  11. whyilovetina says:

    I hate hearing these stories! So sad and frustrating. I have a friend who was doing some sideways stuff – chatting online, on the phone, etc. No physical contact, but no matter. It dang near killed his wife when she caught wind of it. Thankfully, though, he surrounded himself with some guys to help kick him in the pants. She is slowly (it’s taken quite some time) working out of it. They can’t watch a TV show or a movie with infidelity in it that doesn’t feel horrible for him and dig into his conscience. Stupid choices, but thankfully, they are working the things out.

    I know infidelity is as old as time, but our selfishness and inability to see how our actions affect others is astounding. No judgment at all. One just hopes that people come to their senses and take stock of the truly important and play out the ending of the story to see if the self-centered choices really are worth it.

  12. very well written, and you are exactly right. Sadly this world has made it way too easy, and people often think only of themselves. My thoughts are with this wife, and her children. May the children see the whole picture in due time.

  13. Pingback: No Cure For Stupid | Kami's Lost World

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